MouseMel

Sometimes, it happens before you know it. You're carefree wheeling through a conversation, and suddenly it gets deep. Deep blue.

Then you become weary of what you say, not wanting say more, but not wanting to be vague. This is a hard dance to tango. Especially if it concerns feelings and emotions that spilled out, unexpectedly.

And when this happens, it's a challenge to mop up the floor.

In one respect, the conversational altering is a small, miniscue event, but it rewinds in your head over and over again. Interesting, and sometimes uncomfortable questions may come to mind now. Now, that is, that the feelings are inching towards the sunlight.

Need a reference? Look up the song by John Mayor called "My Stupid Mouth" - and there you have it. The awkward silence. Saying the wrong stuff, and getting a strange reaction.

Then, you try to recover. You're desperate to recover. But it's hard to alleviate the deep dark blue feelings right away. And not knowing exactly what the other person is thinking and feeling... That can make it worse.

So, I'm going to try to remain open. I want to continue the conversation, but edge away from awkwardness. Is this too much to ask?

I've noticed a trend... It seems as if, at one point in our lives, we feel out of place. We're wearing someone else's skin. Our minds are being carried around by these gangly limbs, and people make their assumptions based on those limbs. They don't know us, the inner being. Their access to our thoughts, feelings, and passions are blocked by their preconceived notions.

I always felt older than my true years growing up. Now that I am an adult, I do not feel this way as strongly. But let me tell you, when I was a kid, I felt that a cosmic force accidentally dropped me into a group of people who I could understand with a mature sense of clarity. However, they couldn't see through their rose-colored glasses to contemplate me as a whole. I was merely another teenager who is mad about dresses, proms, boys, and rather immature.

Granted, we all have had our moments of immaturity, but I'm more talking about how I felt as a whole. In a classroom, I'd sit there, glancing around, secretly taking mental notes on how silly some people seemed. How they could wreak havoc on our day because they had a pimple, or because their boyfriends/girlfriends didn't say hello in the right manner. Talk about excruciating.

I thought that all of this would change as I entered into the realm of adults. They certainly seemed as if they had it all figured out. Needless to say, I've finally arrived to the conclusion that no one, NO ONE, has a freaking idea about how to live life without conflicts.

Does this feeling of being more knowledgeable or having higher expectations of people make people like me lofty? Am I unreachable? People are always going to be a source of disappointment? I suppose, depending on my mood, I can answer yes and no. It simply depends.

A friend of mine is going through the "I cannot believe I'm surrounded by idiots" stage at his high school. He's a 15 year old stuck with an older soul.

And so the cycle continues. We simply aren't allowed to step into our true skin.